You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
