What a fucking waste of an outfit
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
