ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
