im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
