this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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