she was so not down for the gang bang
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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