I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
