Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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