I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
