i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
