im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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