If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
