I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did i walk over a car last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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