I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
