I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
