I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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