there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
