[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
