: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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