Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize