I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
