I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we're so committed to being not committed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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