if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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