I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
