Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My life is pants optional.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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