He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
