A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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