i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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