My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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