So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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