Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nutella sex= disaster
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
