dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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