Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
