I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
