Can i not drive my cunt home
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
