This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
