That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
