we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
