So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't notice because vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
