dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
