Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
