He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
