i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize