Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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