Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
