I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
