You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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