we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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