I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
