everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry about my life...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
