That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize