I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
