So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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