Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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