Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my being single is dangerous.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
