its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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