Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
