I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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