Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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