How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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