I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize