I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
