We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
