You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
