Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
