when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
