Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
