That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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