How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
